Raising Gentlemen in a World That Makes It Harder Than Ever

I’m lucky - truly lucky - to be raising our three boys alongside an incredible fiancé who I would consider a true gentleman in every sense of the word. He is emotionally intelligent, kind, thoughtful, and supportive. He puts family above everything, he listens, he cares, and he works every single day to be the best version of himself for us. If I ever needed proof that good men still exist, I only have to look at him.

And maybe that’s why we’re both so determined - sometimes desperately so - to raise our boys to embody those same qualities. Because we both carry the weight when the boys grunt instead of speaking, forget their manners, roll their eyes, or say something careless about another. We wince when they race through a doorway without noticing the person behind them. Every small slip feels, to us both, like a sign that maybe the world is pulling them in a direction we don’t want them to go.

We were both raised with old-fashioned values: respect for women, responsibility in the home, the idea that being a man means being supportive, reliable, protective, and considerate - not dominant or entitled. But we were also raised to admire women who are ambitious, driven, and capable in their own right. That balance shaped us, and we want that same balance for our boys.

But parenting today feels like swimming against an impossible current. Modern tech teaches shortcuts instead of conversations. Social media glorifies egos, not empathy. Influencers preach toxic lessons disguised as confidence. The world celebrates loudness over kindness, and detachment over emotional depth.

So the question we keep coming back to is this:

Is it still possible to instil real gentleman values in this new generation? And if it is… how do we actually do it?

What Is a Gentleman in the Modern World?

The word “gentleman” used to conjure images of polished shoes, formal manners, and outdated rules. But that’s not what our boys need today - and that’s not what you want for them.

A modern gentleman is defined not by appearance or status, but by character.

A gentleman today is…

• Kind without being weak

• Confident without being arrogant

• Protective without being controlling

• Emotionally aware without losing strength

• Respectful of women as equals - not as people to dominate or impress

• Responsible for his actions and words

• Capable of communicating, apologising, and truly listening

These values aren’t outdated. They’re timeless - and increasingly rare.

In a world that rewards noise, a gentleman stands out because he is grounded.

Why Raising Gentlemen Is Harder Than Ever

1. Technology is replacing real communication

Screens have become comfort zones. Grunts replace conversations. Manners disappear behind messaging apps. It’s not intentional - it’s cultural.

2. Toxic masculine influencers fill the silence

Before boys learn what healthy masculinity looks like, they’re exposed to voices preaching dominance, ego, and emotional detachment. It’s seductive because it seems simple.

3. Respect for women is often mocked online

Treating women as equals is sometimes labelled “weak”. That’s not comedy - it’s conditioning.

4. Parents are navigating a world they never grew up in

Our values are strong, but the terrain is new. And it can feel like you’re constantly rowing against a digital tide.

5. We’re raising children in an era of entitlement

There’s a growing belief in some households that the best way to love a child is to give them everything, shield them from discomfort, and avoid ever being the “bad guy.” Parents fear saying no, fear correcting behaviour, fear upsetting their child - and in the process, many unintentionally raise kids who believe that:

• Everything should be handed to them

• Consequences are optional

• Someone else will fix or do those things for them

• “Everyone else has it” is a valid argument

• They are owed comfort, ease, and outcomes without effort

But raising boys to become gentlemen requires the opposite. They don’t need us to be their best friends - they need us to be their guides. They need boundaries, responsibility, expectations, and the experience of hearing no without the world bending for them.

Entitlement is the enemy of maturity, respect, and humility.

If boys grow up believing life will always land in their lap, they will struggle in relationships, in work, in resilience, and in character.

But the truth is powerful and reassuring:

Your influence still matters more than the internet - if you stay intentional.

How to Raise Gentlemen in Today’s World

1. Model the behaviour you want to see

Children learn far more from observation than instruction. My Fiance's kindness, thoughtfulness, and emotional intelligence are not just admirable - they’re educational. Our boys are watching first hand what a good man looks like.

We let them witness:

• Respectful communication

• Calm conflict resolution

• Kindness toward women

• Appreciation for women’s careers and goals

• A partnership built on equality and mutual support

This is where values are learned - not in lectures, but in living rooms.

2. Teach emotional intelligence as a strength, not softness

For generations, boys were taught to harden themselves. But emotional intelligence is not a vulnerability - it’s a superpower.

To raise emotionally intelligent boys:

• Help them name their feelings

• Show them how to express emotions safely

• Teach them how to handle frustration

• Model vulnerability in healthy ways

A boy who can understand his emotions is less likely to be swept up by toxic ideologies that prey on insecurity.

3. Make respect for women non-negotiable

Respect begins in small behaviours:

• Saying “please” and “thank you”

• Speaking kindly about girls

• Not interrupting

• Opening doors for others regardless of gender

• Understanding consent from a young age

Show them that courtesy isn’t about dominance - it’s about care and awareness.

My fiancé modelling respect for me, and all others, is one of the strongest lessons our boys can receive.

4. Don’t hide the toxic messages - teach them to think critically

Shielding boys from negative influencers doesn’t work. Discussing them does.

Ask:

• “Does he build people up or tear them down?”

• “What would it feel like to be spoken about the way he speaks about women?”

• “Does confidence need to insult others to exist?”

Critical thinking is the antidote to manipulation.

5. Keep them grounded in real life, not just online life

Clubs, sports, community activities, chores, outdoor adventures - these teach:

• Teamwork

• Discipline

• Respect

• Empathy

• Real social skills

A boy who lives in the real world is harder to influence in the digital one.

6. Blend traditional values with modern understanding

We were lucky that both our upbringings gave us powerful foundations: manners, work ethic, respect, reliability, and we couldn't be more grateful to our parents for these (hopefully one day our children say the same!)

We choose to keep those. But we also try to pair them with modern essentials: emotional literacy, boundaries, equality, empathy.

This combination creates not just a gentleman - but a good human.

7. Remind them that strength and kindness are not opposites

The strongest men you know are the ones who:

• Are gentle with their children

• Treat women as partners, not possessions

• Speak with kindness, not bravado

• Stand up for what’s right

• Show vulnerability without shame

• Apologise sincerely

• Care deeply

That's real masculinity. Everything else is noise.

You’re Not Alone - And You’re Already Doing More Than You Think

If there’s one thing I’ve learned on this parenting journey, it’s that none of us are doing this in isolation. (the very fact you're reading this blog is simple proof of that!) So many parents are quietly wrestling with the same fears, the same pressures, the same questions about how to raise good boys in a world that feels louder and more confusing than ever.

But here’s the truth: When we show up with intention - when we care about the kind of men our boys become - we’re already laying the strongest foundation possible.

Every conversation, every moment of modelling respect, every reminder about kindness or empathy or responsibility… it all adds up. It shapes them. It stays with them.

And while the world may be full of mixed messages, our homes can be places of clarity, consistency, and character. Each of us who is trying to raise boys into respectful, emotionally intelligent, thoughtful gentlemen is contributing something powerful to the next generation.

Because good men don’t just appear. They are taught, guided, corrected, supported, and loved into becoming who they are meant to be.

And together, as modern parents navigating an ever-changing world, we absolutely can raise the kind of men this world desperately needs more of.