Breaking Free from a Narcissistic Relationship - And Never Looking Back

Let me start by saying this: If you've been in a narcissistic relationship, I see you. I know the pain, the confusion, the gaslighting, and the crushing sense of losing yourself. Because I’ve lived it too - and after years of silence, I can finally say I’m free.

So this is for anyone still stuck in the cycle, wondering if it’s them, or believing they’re the problem. You are not the problem.

It’s funny, in a painfully ironic kind of way, that once you’ve encountered a true narcissist, you develop a sixth sense for them. A radar. Like emotional sonar.

You spot them faster. You hear their manipulation before the words even land. You feel the cold script behind their charm. And the best part? Once you’ve healed - really healed - you’re highly unlikely to ever fall for it again.

Several times this has come into play when I've been with Rich and has become a bit of a standing joke - never doubt Heidi's gut when it comes to a covert narcissist! I see you narc and you have no chance at winning this one! The extra twist? That experience, that painful, soul-shaking chapter of my life, now serves a powerful purpose. We draw on it regularly as we navigate Rich’s own journey with his narcissist of the past that rears her ugly head too often. (Yep - its not just Men that carry this miserable trait!) And weirdly - miraculously - I’ve found myself thankful that my trauma wasn’t wasted.

Because any peace I can give the man I love, any insight that helps him sidestep the madness, was worth every second of the pain it took to survive those years of torture.

Sometimes life hands you a horror story, and it’s only later that you realise - you turned it into a survival manual. You became someone else's safe place. And that’s a win I’ll never take for granted.

There’s an unspoken bond between people who’ve been through narcissistic abuse. We just get each other. There’s a knowing look, a shared language, and a depth of empathy that can only come from surviving something that tried to hollow you out.

For a long time, I used to wish I’d never met mine.

I wished I could erase the damage, the gaslighting, the moments I doubted my own sanity (thanks to his), and all the painful rebuilding that followed. But in reality, I don’t believe in regrets. I believe they’re wasted emotions - only useful when you’re still living in a space of anger or bitterness. And I would never allow myself to live there.

Because I did free myself. I am living a life I love. And if I rewrote even one page of that painful chapter, I wouldn’t be where I am today, or the person I am today - grounded, wiser, more compassionate, and far more resilient than I ever imagined I could be. (And writing this blog to help anyone else going through what I did!)

He taught me things. Hard things. Things I didn’t want to learn - but did. And while I’ll never thank him for the pain, I am thankful that I survived it. That I escaped.

He’s not my problem anymore.

And that’s the final freedom. Not just leaving, not just healing - but no longer carrying the burden of HIS brokenness.

What Is a Narcissist?

A narcissist isn’t just someone who’s confident or likes attention. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a deep psychological dysfunction. Narcissists are people who are so riddled with insecurity, they wear a mask of superiority and charm to hide the emptiness inside. They feed off the validation, admiration, and emotional responses of others - because they have no stable sense of self.

They don’t love in a healthy way. They love control. They love supply. They love power.

They say we all carry narcissistic traits, but there's a world of difference between that and the true toxicity of a covert or malignant narcissist who carries it for life and will change for nothing and nobody!

Typical Narcissistic Behaviours

If this sounds familiar, you may have been in their grip:

• Love bombing – Excessive flattery and affection at the start to hook you.

• Gaslighting – Twisting reality until you question your own memory, perception, and even sanity. Maybe the sky is pink with zebra stripes, not blue.........

• Blame shifting – Nothing is ever their fault. You are the problem. Always. They will never take responsibility or accountability.

• Emotional rollercoasters – Hot and cold. Idolisation to devaluation in a flash.

• Isolation – Subtly or overtly removing your support systems so you're easier to control.

• Projection – Accusing you of the very behaviours they’re guilty of.

They do all this while painting you as the unstable one. And then, you may even get to experience the ultimate joy I did of them working to convince those once closest to you (now through their doing distanced) that you're the demented one who needs help!!

Why You Should Run for the Hills

You cannot fix a narcissist. You cannot love them into healing. You cannot reason with them, outsmart them, or make them care. They will not change ever for the better!

They will never be happy. Their ego is a black hole. The more you feed it, the more it demands - until you’re drained, lost, and a shell of your former self. Its why they generally target empaths. The empath feels their emptiness and has the compassion and emotional intelligence to try to fix it. Unfortunately it doesn't provide you with the insight to see them for who they truly are until its too late (or unless its not your first rodeo!)

They don’t want partnership, they want possession. And once you stop serving their ego? They’ll discard you without a second thought - or worse, punish you for daring to reclaim your worth.

Why We Should (Quietly) Pity Them

It may sound strange, but the real secret to healing lies in pitying the narcissist - not hating them.

Because underneath all that bravado is a deeply broken person, trapped in their own torment. They’ll never know true love, vulnerability, or connection. They’re a prisoner of their ego, destined to sabotage every relationship they touch.

That’s not power. That’s tragedy.

The Secret to Stealing Their Power Back

what they fear the most - Your silence. Your healing. Your indifference.

The moment you stop explaining, defending, reacting - you win.

When you:

• Go no contact (or as low contact as possible if kids are involved because they will use them as pawns to get to you given half a chance),

• Set firm boundaries,

• Rebuild your self-worth with coaching, therapy, any intervention, and time,

• Reconnect with those who love you unconditionally…

…you strip them of their power. Because their power was always your energy, your attention and your pain.

Moving On from the Trauma

Trauma from narcissistic abuse doesn’t vanish overnight. It lingers. It affects your trust, your self-esteem, and your sense of identity.

But slowly, it does fade. Through:

• Understanding what happened (you are not crazy)

• Finding safe spaces to talk

• Investing in personal development and emotional recovery

• Learning to trust yourself again

• Having faith that the best is yet to come

You start to see the light.

You Are Not Who They Said You Were

You are strong. You are worthy. You are lovable. You are not broken and you never were - just bruised, and healing. And now, you are free.

To anyone still in it: I promise there’s life after this. Joy after this. Love after this - trust me! But it starts with the love you rebuild for yourself.

You don’t need to fight for closure. You don’t need to prove your side and anyone who truly loves you will see the truth and still be there. You just need to walk away and let them and anyone connected to or convinced by them go - and never look back.